Look out for a feature on Murderizer on
Imaginasian TV coming soon.


Look, Murderizer made it to the 2004 best of playlist for Vitamin J and Jim Nastek at Juno Beach. Isn't that nice?

Here are some other lists we made:

• Most lit cigarettes used as a weapon inside a moving vehicle on a road trip to Montreal - "Fun Times"
Top 10 guitarists kicked out of Irving Plaza - "All About the Music"
Top 100 drummers falling down 10 foot holes - "Dumb Beat"
America's most desirable bass players with shoe fetishes of 2004 - "Brown Note"
Longest song titles of 2004: "I don't care how nice you are; you don't know me at all" - "Rock Snobbery USA"
Best accordion smashing on stage with a sledgehammer that never happened (Rock Accordion Summit, NYC) - "American Accordion Dork Magazine"
• M
ost times live pornography was chosen over rehearsal in the middle of rehearsal - "Fun Times"
Best entrance to a Friday night rehearsal 2004 - (falling up the stairs in the rain, reeking of cheap booze, carrying an accordion and a stuffed, strap-on torso) - "Pathetic Rock Syndrome"

And here's my vote for the best Murderizer bonding event of 2004: playing pool and eating wings at Racks, a redneck bar in the Pine Barrens of NJ, where 1989 will never die, and you can still hear Cinderella, Vixen and Samantha Fox on the jukebox. We made friends with Glenn C. Smith who repeated throughout the night- "Do you know what the C stands for? Cute... Cuddly... and Cowboys!" He then lifted up his shirt to show us the cowboys insignia on his plush, and dare I say, cuddly, abdomen. He forgot "cock-eyed" from excessive Budweiser consumption.

Here's to more impressive records set and more fun times in 2005. First gig of the new year is:
January 20th, Thursday night at 1AM
The Knitting Factory
74 Leonard Street (between Church and Broadway)
Ph: 212-219-3132 | Map


It was a night to remember, but it wasn't until the next day that I recalled doing the worm on top of the bar at Boogaloo. Apparently, I really made some people very happy that night, but I don't remember. If you make people happy but can't remember it, did it really happen? If a tree falls in the... oh whatever... I know what I'm doing; I'm just trying to find a way out of embarassment. Desperate, pathetic scramble for the exit. Not the first time.

You can see a couple photos from that night at :

It was part of Frank Wood's birthday celebration, and what I do remember is Mr. Wood's bizarre birthday card (he's surrounded by a wreath of female breasts on the cover illustration) and Dawn whooping it up during our set. I can't believe someone that good looking actually comes to our shows. That's pretty good, huh?

Enough about the past. I'm over it. I'm through.

On with the next gig:
Friday, December 10th 9pm
96 Greenwich Street (corner of Rector Street)

I'm not promising any late night breakdancing moves for this one. But maybe Dawn will come.

Hope you get what you want this Christmas and Chanukah...

Murderizer: Hard music for soft people


Murderizer summer hiatus is almost over. Bret hurt his thumb in some kind of blindfolded, naked biking competition at Coney Island this summer. Other exciting Murderizer news: Dan's wearing his glasses more, and he looks really cute. Jon wears glasses all the time so is reaping the benefits of being a rock bass player who looks like he has a soul. Some girls are really into souls. Other girls are not. Some girls would rather not deal with a soul, because of the mess. They prefer clean, soulless men with strictly vapid conversation. It's not what I prefer, but I guess I could understand it - souls being so messy and all. Personally, I prefer the sticky, clotty, gushy, uncontainable stuff. The hopelessly unfashionable stuff that has no place in modern, minimalist architecture or interior design because you can't put it in a glass, and it has no conventional geometry. This is not to be confused with just being ill-mannered; I'm talking about the unpresentable that's so unstoppable it makes a person not rude, but certainly socially incompetent. Mmmmm. Irresistable.

I wear contacts, because it's hard to find glasses that won't slide off my flat, greasy slope.

Hope you're having a nice summer. We're playing the North American Cycle Courier Championships in September in Montreal. Bikes and mayhem in Montreal!! Saturday, September 4 at 1am at Station C.

Next New York gig: September 18th, The Rock Accordion Summit (sponsored by "The Onion") at Rothko (116 Suffolk St) with Movers and Shakers (


Drew Carey had a dream where midgets were singing "Not-So-Wild Young Cunts" as his mother danced alone, turning slowly in a corner of the room - a single spot light on her; a single spot light on the gang of intoxicated midgets. Wide expanse of black in between. He said he woke up crying. I was quite pleased and flattered to have penetrated his subconscious mind. I've heard that once Murderizer enters people's minds, there's really no room for much else. You can end up dancing naked in the dark of your apartment while milk goes sour in your refrigerator. You don't pull back the curtains for daylight ever, and the hot pockets you get delivered from the deli start to turn, because you forget to freeze them. Soon those phone calls you don't answer start to worry your friends, so they break down the door and find you dancing naked in the dark of your apartment as the milk goes sour in the refrigerator. You've got "Reluctant Sluttery: Plan B" on repeat, and it's such a nice day outside. Oh the humanity. 

We're back in the studio. Whalen is holding our hands again. We're being played on Vitamin J of Maduro Records' online radio show on Wednesdays at
 And has given us written approval: <>
Come check us out on May 28th, Friday at The PussyCat Lounge: 10pm, 96 Greenwich St, (212) 349-4800
 My friend Paulina says we're her favorite music to rip chickens to. Eew. 

Murderizer: Fun for some people

Upcoming Shows

May 28th, Friday at The PussyCat Lounge: 10pm, 96 Greenwich St, (212) 349-4800

June 14th: Meow Mix, 269 E Houston St, (212) 254-0688


Murderizer arguments as of late:

* Which underwear keeps your balls the warmest in winter? Old Navy boxer briefs? Tighty-whities?

* Does "School Daze" make it into the list of Spike Lee's top 3 films?

* If you like Christina Aguilera, does that mean you automatically like Jessica Simpson? Dan insists it's the same thing. Susan says he's nuts. It's like comparing apples and marshmallows.

* Can you use the phrase "eventful repose" in any capacity without sounding like a moron?

* Is Jessica Simpson faking stupid? Bret says stupidity that flamboyant is an obvious publicity stunt. Susan says she doesn't know; it seems pretty genuinely stupid to her.

* Was it Jon's "friend" in Canada who soiled himself?



Murderizer is busy arguing through the holidays.  We discuss things like the Heisenberg principal, how you say "douche bag" in French, whether Britney is more desirable than Christina (Jon and Dan are for Britney, duh; Bret says they're crazy), whether Jon should eat a garnished shoe or Bret should eat a boiled hat, whether suspicion and paranoia are the same thing, whether Bret is completely wrong about the CD graphics, which of course he is, because Susan is right, so how could he be?  All this goes to show that we're too dumb for smart people and not dumb enough for dumb people.  

More importantly, it's almost CD RELEASE TIME.  It is so happening.  I swear:

Friday, February 13, 2004
at Siberia on 40th Street between 8th and 9th Avenues. 
(There's no sign to mark the place, just a black door on the south side of the street with a red light over it.)